How to effectively resolve conflict in your relationship
Every relationship has its challenges, because there are two different people with different backgrounds, experiences and expectations.
Every relationship has its challenges, because there are two different people with different backgrounds, experiences and expectations. The more time we spend with a person, the more likely conflict will arise if we’re truly engaged. Over time we change physically and mentally as we learn, take on new responsibilities, and have new experiences. The habits we once found funny, or endearing are now annoying and frustrating. And perhaps you’re arguing more than talking, with no attainable resolutions in sight.
Here are five tips for fighting fair during conflict:
1. Focus on one issue at a time
Don’t allow your complaints pile up in one discussion, as this is overwhelming and usually leads to defensiveness rather than compromise.
2. Be mindful of your timing
Raising an issue first thing in the morning or in front of other people won’t likely motivate your partner to change their behavior. Agree on a designated time, “Can we talk after dinner?” or Schedule check-ins regularly so they become more natural (weekly to monthly).
3. Change your environment
A change of environment usually sparks different conversations that we may not engage in otherwise. Try talking in a different space within or outside of your home, e.g. while taking a walk.
4. Be honest, with kindness
Brutal honesty is just that, brutal. Don’t assign labels (lazy, rude, etc.) to your partner or belittle them to prove a point.
5. Listen with intention
You’ve heard the phrase “Listen to understand” instead of reacting quickly or thinking of your next response. We challenge you to take it a step further, and keep your intentions at the forefront (compromise, change, improvement, etc.).
Remember the goal is not to interrogate each other but to brainstorm together. Be kind to each other and take things at your own pace. Let us know if these tips are helpful or if you have your own tips to share. And as always, lead with love.
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